Funniest Bits of Childbirth

I think you’ll agree there really isn’t anything funny about childbirth and any attempts at humour during labour may result in serious bodily injury.  However, I did find myself laughing at times.  This may have something to do with the quantities of gas and air.  I won’t bore you with the finer details of my experience as it was fairly uneventful.  I consider myself very lucky, I walked into the hospital at 6 cms and Madame was born 4 hours later.  Though, I was bit disappointed as I was hoping to get stoned on the NHS.

Hubby was present; he tried his best but really wasn’t a lot of help.  He was miles better than a few of the tossers on ‘One Born Every Minute’ that’s on BBC at the moment, who I personally think should be shot.  He did however, religiously pass me the gas and air when needed and his impression of Princess Leia, using bed pans on his ears did make me laugh.  I didn’t appreciate it though when he disappeared at a crucial moment but we found him in time.

Unfortunately, I had a retained placenta so I had to go into surgery afterwards to have it removed.  I was gutted that I had to have an epidural after managing to make it through delivery without one.  There must have been a dozen people in the operating theatre; the doctor, a couple of assistants, the midwife, a gaggle of wide-eyed midwifery students, possibly some janitorial staff and 2 anaesthesiologists who I swear were playing cards.

So, there I was lying on my back with my legs in the air with not a shred of dignity left.  At this point, I really didn’t need to see my reflection in the Doctor’s safety glasses (remember he wasn’t looking at my face) but I did! Not something anyone should ever have to see.

When I get nervous I tend to crack inappropriate jokes and ask ridiculous questions.   I don’t know what possessed me but I asked the doctor; who is down below, framed by my legs, wearing a mask and about to go in, how he was going to remove it and this was his response…………..

I’m really not sure why I found it so funny but I did.

I’m not normally a huge fan of Mumsnet, I don’t know why, but I came across The Funniest Bits of Childbirth which has some seriously funny stories.  Get yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy!

If you have any funny stories I’d love to hear them!

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8 Responses

  1. I had a cesarian. My hubby is a comedian (not by trade, just by nature) so while they were sewing me up and in between gazing at my goregous daughter he likened the scene to that out of the surgeons sketch on the muppets. Suffice to say, he kept making me, the nurses and the surgeon laugh and they kept telling me off cos they couldn’t stitch me up while I was laughing.

  2. Hahahaha, love it, that’s one thing about childbirth – you suddenly loose all inhibitions about your own body – as much as I don’t miss getting my boob out in front of everyone to feed, it was kinda nice to not care for a while!

  3. Hmmm… the funniest part of my first labour was whining ‘I need a poo’ at 4am, and it was indeed the best sort of poo… it was Little Man’s head crowning…
    You’d think I’d remember the feeling wouldn’t you, but no, I was had again while labouring with Dot… and again announced I needed to go, when it was Dot’s head.

  4. Ha! That was rather funny! Mine was a pretty uneventful straight forward labour but the Gas & Air did send me into a total drunken state! I was offering the OH naughty things whilst there was room full of people, he just didn’t know what to say to me!!

  5. Only 4 hours of labour, I am very envious. I went to hospital when my contractions were every 3 mins he didn’t make an appearance for another 22 hours! It possibly had something to do with the fact he was almost 10lb.

    I went through 5 cannisters of gas and air, apparently I was talking utter jibberish and eventually they took it away from me. By the time I asked for an epidural it was too late.

    Thank god for hormones that make you forget exactly how much hard work it is or I wouldn’t even be considering a second!

  6. What a brilliant idea to remember the best/funny bits of labour! My first born was induced, I stupidly admitted to my husband after the event that when I was pushing I wasn’t actually doing anything, just making the sounds like I saw on the tele. Ended up in emergency section under General, but he arrived fit and healthy. Shame they couldn’t wake me from the general, but they were calling me Elizabeth (my offical first name but never used), so no response! 2nd child also had to be section, due to complications, although friends say too posh to push hmmm. Walked into theatre to be greeted by this huge beautiful black man with a fantastic Jamaican headscarf. His name was Sunday, and yes Chris asked “why”, and of course “because I was born on a Sunday”! Eventually epidural in, after being told off for laughing, and I notice my legs practically around my ears! A bit of “washing up feeling in my tummy” and anaethatist announces “its a boy”, followed by “erm no I think its a girl” at which point Chris runs over to find out, passing by my beautifully butchered tummy! Daughter dutifully placed next to me aaahhh when I spotted this foul looking thing in the distance – my placenta – Chris I said, quick, quick get pics of THAT. I realise now that I have no pictures of Scarlett just delivered but some pretty good shots of my placenta. Would like to finish this response, but I think I may need to go barf right now!!!!

  7. This post (and replies!) have been making me laugh… I’m bookmarking for the days when I am a little bit scared about labour.

  8. The highlight of my first delivery, for me looking back, was the point when, high as a kite on entonox, I grabbed the midwife, and demanded ‘wheres the (very rude word) anaesthetist, I want my epidural!’ Fortunately, she thought this was as funny as I now do! I wasn’t amused at the time, when she told me he wasn’t available and I’d have to manage without!!!
    Second time around, whilst waiting for the induction to kick in, this HUGE bloke walks into the room. ‘Hi,’ he smiled, ‘I’m Pete, and I’ll be your midwife for this afternoon.’ At which point he offered his hand for shaking. He had the BIGGEST hands I have ever seen! Needless to say I crossed my legs at that point, until he went off shift! But the ladies in the ward and I had hysterics! Bless, he was lovely, but there wasn’t one of us wanted to get close to those hands!!

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