Just a final message to say good-bye to wordpress.com. Been busy putting on a few final touches on the new blog. If you haven’t already pop over and say hello. You may also want to update your bookmarks/subscriptions. The new url is http://mediocremum.com/. Look forward to seeing you soon.
We played this last week and it was great fun. All you have to do is guess what the object is or what it is used for. The correct answer isn’t necessarilythe best answer. Basically, whoever makes me laugh the most, wins! If you want to see everyone’s responses follow #bitoffun
It’s been a difficult decision this week….I was torn between Un-corking 5 bottles at at a time, a highly effective nipple tickler and a Swiss army skewer. But, wishful thinking has to go to the nipple tickler @lottieloves1.
If you’re interested it was actually a Cervix Dialator. Ouch!
Can everyone please give a warm welcome to @bubbleboo who is guest posting here at Mediocremum. I’ll stand aside now and let her take centre stage.
Ok. Having spent the best part of four days trying to figure out just what the heck to write about…I still have no clue. That doesn’t mean I’m dull. Really, it doesn’t. I promise. It’s just that I’m pretty random. If you ever read The Thought Bubble (shameless plug for my blog in the second paragraph, good eh?) you will know that there is never any rhyme or reason to my thought processes – and therefore never any rhyme or reason to my blog posts either! So I’m just going to type and see what happens. I think I’ve decided to go with what I know: Motherhood.
Now, that is not to say that I am any kind of expert on the condition. I am really not. At all. I’m also not your typical mum writing your typical mum blog – and that is why I have decided to write about this. To get some of my thoughts out on the page – well, screen actually, I guess – and to hopefully provide some sort of insight while I do so. At this point you are probably wondering what on earth I’m wittering on about and are fumbling around desperately for the escape key…Please, Stop! Allow me to explain. Then, if you really want out, I won’t stop you. *Quickly kicks the ropes and chains out of view*
Are we all happy? Settled down with a nice cup of coffee and a biscuit or ten? Excellent! Ok then, here’s my story (I’ll try not to bore you too much):
I am a single mum to one very lovely 7yo boy, affectionately known as ‘Chipmunk’. So far, so normal. Here comes the bit that’s a bit different… Chipmunk has high-functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder (also known as Asperger’s). When he was finally diagnosed, my whole entire life fell into place. It was as if I finally understood who I was and, more importantly, why I was that way. It turns out that I am probably an undiagnosed Aspie myself. Still undiagnosed, because nobody is going to bother to actually find out now – I’ve survived this long, why bother to test for it? seems to be the general medical consensus. *Sigh*
But anyway, getting the diagnosis was fantastic. I had known for a long time that there were issues, but nobody did anything about it. In the end, I referred Chipmunk to the school nurse myself and she then contacted the paediatrician. Chipmunk, it turns out, also has a few other major challenges. These include: Hyper-mobility (over-extending of joints and limbs which cause poor co-ordination and pain), retained primary reflexes, under-developed gross motor reflexes (so basically, he’s got no chance of co-ordinating his movements or being spacially aware), poor vision (he can’t see in 3D, so finds stairs a little tricky!) and asthma. And hayfever. I’m sure I probably missed something. It gets hard to keep up when I don’t have his file in front of me! An example of how this affects him: When playing catch, Chipmunk doesn’t catch the ball with his hands. He just relies on his face to stop it! I gave up my nursing degree to be his full-time SAHM.
Please don’t misunderstand me here. I’m not writing a ‘poor me, isn’t my life hard?’ post. That’s not what I’m about. I am well aware that there are plenty of people who have it much tougher than I do! My life is what it is, and I wouldn’t have Chipmunk any other way. He is the child he is because of, and in spite of, his difficulties. I just wanted to give you some background. I’d hate to have to tie you to the chair right now beg you to make you stay!
One effect of my constantly head-spinning life, is that my short-term memory has been pretty much shot to pieces. To understand the impact of this, I should tell you that my family used to refer to me as an elephant. No, not because of my size – cheeky! Because of my ability to remember pretty much every little detail – about pretty much anything! Now, nothing stays in my head unless it is something really important, or I am really interested in it – and even then it doesn’t always stick, but goes sneaking off somewhere else when I’m not looking. The other day, I lost my sunglasses. I distinctly remember taking them into the house and putting them on the dining room table. (This in itself is an achievement – I never usually ‘distinctly remember’ anything!) After that? It’s a mystery. I’m sure they’ll turn up…someday.
I’ll give you an example of how this affects me: I used to love reading, it was my passion. Now? Well, it took me a year to get through one book – ‘Twilight’ – which I finished a few days ago. I am ridiculously proud of making it through that book. Life is like that now. Little achievements. Things that, in my old life, would have been regular, everyday occurrences are now huge milestones. A cause for celebration. A reason to allow myself a smile. Chipmunk is the proverbial bookworm, just like I used to be. His physical limitations mean he is not at all a sporty child, but that’s ok. He loves to read. I love to read to him. It’s something we can do together, the same way other parents support their kids with sports.
I won’t lie – sometimes, it’s hard parenting a child with Asperger’s. The mood swings, the temper, the frustration he feels when he can’t do something, or gets something wrong. This is pretty much all directed at me. It’s hard talking to the school about behavioural issues that he doesn’t display when he’s there! But Chipmunk is also a truly beautiful soul. He is, in some ways, old before his time. Unlike a lot of autistic kids, he is very affectionate with those he loves and trusts. He is not afraid to say ‘I love you’ – and I know he really means it. And his sense of humour? It’s absolutely wicked! Chipmunk being differently-able takes nothing away from us, or our relationship. I won’t let it – and neither, actually, will he.
As a parent who probably has the same spectrum disorder as her child, I ache for him. I ache because I know what he goes through day-to-day. I ache because I know just how hard things are for him. I ache because I know what he’s thinking, and how isolated he could become. But because I know this, I hope – no, I know – that I can do something about it. I want to make life for Chipmunk as easy – as ‘normal’ – as possible. And if I have to walk through fire to do so, then I’ll be there ready with my flame-retardant undies and my bucket of water.
Wow, that’s it and I guess I did ramble on for a while there, didn’t I? Sorry about that – sorry, Chrissie, you can have your blog back now, I’m leaving!
Ok, those sunglasses must be around here somewhere…
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
I’m not sure where I first met Hilary (@fatfighter41) formerly known as @hilsbigs. I think it was when we were attempting #noalchoholnovember and we both weren’t at our most exciting. I must admit that she did a lot better than me. She managed the month and I managed a measly 2 weeks. I fell off the wagon mid month but managed to pull myself together for the rest of the month. So I managed 27 days in total.
Don’t let her avatar fool you. I know she looks like she should be the editor for woman’s weekly, all sweet and innocent, but oh no, no no! If you look in the dictionary under ‘dark horse’ you’ll find her.
She’s been doing WW and has hooked up with @vino_alcoholic for support. I think it’s a case of the blind leading the blind. They’re both abstaining during the week but look out on Fridays after the weigh-ins. Bloody riotous!
She’s friendly, chatty, funny and sharp witted. Do say hello and tell her I sent you! If you already follow Hilary do pipe in!
I think you’ll agree there really isn’t anything funny about childbirth and any attempts at humour during labour may result in serious bodily injury. However, I did find myself laughing at times. This may have something to do with the quantities of gas and air. I won’t bore you with the finer details of my experience as it was fairly uneventful. I consider myself very lucky, I walked into the hospital at 6 cms and Madame was born 4 hours later. Though, I was bit disappointed as I was hoping to get stoned on the NHS.
Hubby was present; he tried his best but really wasn’t a lot of help. He was miles better than a few of the tossers on ‘One Born Every Minute’ that’s on BBC at the moment, who I personally think should be shot. He did however, religiously pass me the gas and air when needed and his impression of Princess Leia, using bed pans on his ears did make me laugh. I didn’t appreciate it though when he disappeared at a crucial moment but we found him in time.
Unfortunately, I had a retained placenta so I had to go into surgery afterwards to have it removed. I was gutted that I had to have an epidural after managing to make it through delivery without one. There must have been a dozen people in the operating theatre; the doctor, a couple of assistants, the midwife, a gaggle of wide-eyed midwifery students, possibly some janitorial staff and 2 anaesthesiologists who I swear were playing cards.
So, there I was lying on my back with my legs in the air with not a shred of dignity left. At this point, I really didn’t need to see my reflection in the Doctor’s safety glasses (remember he wasn’t looking at my face) but I did! Not something anyone should ever have to see.
When I get nervous I tend to crack inappropriate jokes and ask ridiculous questions. I don’t know what possessed me but I asked the doctor; who is down below, framed by my legs, wearing a mask and about to go in, how he was going to remove it and this was his response…………..
I’m really not sure why I found it so funny but I did.
I’m not normally a huge fan of Mumsnet, I don’t know why, but I came across The Funniest Bits of Childbirth which has some seriously funny stories. Get yourself a cup of coffee and enjoy!
If you have any funny stories I’d love to hear them!
A couple of my friends have front row tickets to the Chippendales tonight, heaven help the dancers. I personally can’t think of anything worse and for once I’m grateful that I wasn’t invited. I’ve been to strippers twice in my life. I’m far from a prude but didn’t enjoy it. To be honest it made me feel awkward and embarrassed. The first may have something to do with the stripper being the younger brother of a classmate in high school! Eeek! That was all a bit too weird.
Men wiggling their stuff in gold lame posing pouches does nothing for me. Okay, I must admit I was impressed when he used his Todger as a towel rail but horrified when he used it as a drink stirrer! The female audiences on the other hand were very entertaining. I don’t know if it’s the drink coupled with a pack mentality but women turn into complete and utter animals and some of the things they do!
Women are far wilder than men. I spent a lot of time in a seedy female strip club in University, before you get the wrong idea; my best friend’s partner was the bartender. We only went for the cheap drinks and the billiards table. The atmosphere, if you’ve never experienced it is drastically different, men sitting around having a pint, maybe reading the paper, a bit of lunch and really not paying that much attention to the girls except the odd glance. You did get the odd drunken lout but for the most part the men are fairly well behaved.
So why are they so different?
Do strippers do it for you?
I’d love to hear any funny tales you have (not too x rated please as this is a family site)