Why is the Childcare My Responsibility?

I’m self-employed so if I don’t go to work I don’t get paid!  Fortunately, this has only been an issue 2-3 times in the last couple of years since Madame was born.  We decided that I would only go back 3 days a week so I could be a bit more involved.  I have a great work life balance as my job is not that demanding and I still get to take her to swimming, dancing, toddler groups etc.  However, in this move to part-time work somewhere along the line my job has been devalued in our house.

A few months ago our childminder called in sick.  It’s the only time she has ever done it.  Panic set in!  I called everyone I know and even approached friends who didn’t even know how to change nappies.  I couldn’t find anyone.  I even contemplated taking her with me to work but thought the school may frown upon this.  In the end, I had to cancel the training session.

In hindsight, what I should have done was call hubby at work, stomp my feet and demand he come home.  He could’ve taken it as a sick day, still got paid and I wouldn’t have let the school down.  It seems obvious to me now but in my panic state I didn’t see it.

It happened again this week, this time I was poorly and really needed for him to stay home but again but he didn’t!

I can assure you it won’t happen again!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. But fool me three times…..

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16 Responses

  1. MY husband and I used to work in the same office. If nursery rang, it would be put through to me, every single time, and it was just assumed that I would be the one to go home. THis went on for months.
    My ex is a good, capable dad, am not criticising him- but the assumption is that women will pick up the slack- and it is barely noticed, but is part of the reason the glass ceiling exists.

  2. Thats what emergency carers leave is for…. more info from Directgov

    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Timeoffandholidays/DG_10026555

  3. I am the same in that I freelance and if I don’t work I don’t get paid, I have a 3yr old and have come to realise over the years that if you don’t ask you don’t get. So I say next time a situation arises, the only way to find out if he’ll do it or not is to ask. No point stressing over it until that time comes tho 🙂

    • You are so right….I’m partly to blame because I didn’t outright ask. A bit silly thinking he’d work it out on his own. 😉

  4. I’m self-employed but my wife works three days (school hours) per week (plus some stuff from home to make up hours etc occasionally).

    Well, remember the snow a couple of weeks ago? I cancelled my planned work for two days so that she could work. Last week our youngest was too ill to go to nursery so again I stayed home (managed to do some work as I took him with me to collect a computer to work on from home). This week OH announces that she’s got loads of annual leave to take before April! I/we lost hundreds for those two days I didn’t work.

    It’s not easy bringing up children when both parents need to work (for money, and for sanity). It’s a balancing act, which is hard and complicated and different for everyone. Stomp away next time and let’s hope he’s able to understand why.

    • You must of spat your dummy out when you learned about the annual leave? I nearly did yesterday when he announced that he is taking next Friday off to go visit his parents. I’m partly to blame for this and next time will just ask….he really isn’t bad as I may have made him out to be…just doesn’t think sometimes!

  5. It’s a joint job, bringing up children, but, it often doesn’t happen that way does it. It certainly doesn’t in my house that’s for sure.

    CJ xx

  6. Last time me and BG were ill I made him take the day off to help with her. I also insisted he come with me last friday when she had her jabs, I know I don’t work but we should share things like that. They got a bit funny at work but if he was a mother nothing would be said ( he was only gone 30 mins) I know a lot of mums that are expected to take time off work to look after sick children but never the dads.

  7. it must be hard to try to please everyone and not demasculate your hubby. however it totaly makes sense that he use his sick leave or what have you to help out rather than you doing it. probably you should have a discussion about it before hand so you have a plan and its not all panic.

  8. It’s really tough and actually I blogged about it recently as I feel that even though I work 4 days a week I still have all the childcare responsibility. I think you just have to keep in mind that you do still get to do the good stuff (and of course the not so good) and try and have some sort of plan where you take it in turns. Good luck x

    • We’ve now put a plan in place so hopefully it doesn’t happen again! Thanks for your comments. Going to have a nosey for your post on it shortly.

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