A Bit of Friday Fun!

So, what is it or what is it used for?  The correct answer may not be the best answer.  Extra points for originality!

Here are some of the answers so far…

The correct answer is The Citrus Reamer which is used for stripping the pulp and goodness from hard-skinned fruit but the best answer has to go to @dadyougeek who thought it was a multi sensory dildo!  I’ll sort out a certificate ASAP!

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My Follow Friday Pick (26th Feb 10)

My Follow Friday Pick this week is @batonabike

I’m not sure where I first met Cheryl, but I think it was when we were heckling the Plinthers in Trafalgar Square.  She even made the trip to London to support @pennynash when it was her turn on the 4th plinth.

I’m recommending the lovely @batonabike because she’s friendly, chatty, interesting and funny.  If you’re ever having a really sh*tty day, she’ll stop whatever she’s doing and will painstakingly tweet you a true tale that is sure to cheer you up and possibly wet yourself.  Make sure you have plenty of Tena Lady’s on hand.  If you’re really lucky she may even share the commode story.

And when @chickenruby, @procphil, @fatfighter41 and her get going you’re in for a real treat.  I wouldn’t be able to paraphrase what happened last time but it had something to do with Zimmerframes and sex.  Side splittingly good fun!

Only ‘kind’ folk need apply.  Please do say hi and tell her I sent you!

Dirty Old Woman!

I announced on Twitter a few days ago that I have a crush (not in an I-want-to-have-your-babies kind of way) on Mr. Schuester (Matthew Morrison) from Glee.  Apparently, I’m not the only one.

Look at him, he could give Bette Middler a run for her money, if he didn’t have a stylist his hair would look like a burst mattress and he has an English teacher’s dress sense.  So, what is it about him?

He first caught my attention when he sang (okay, lip synced) Leaving on a Jet plane in the first episode.  Wow!

His character continued to grow on me; his passion for music, his belief in the pupils, for being a long suffering husband of a neurotic nag and being oblivious to Emma, the guidance counsellor’s crush.

But, this week was the clincher.  Mr. Schuester can bust a move!  He went from ‘adorable to delicious’.

I’ve officially turned into a dirty old woman!

Must run, there’s someone at the door….it’s probably a bailiff delivering a restraining order!

Wordless Wednesday: Life’s Greatest Mystery

Home Alone

Do you ever get that feeling….you know the one when you’re going on holiday and you feel like you forgot something?  You go through your mental checklist a million times.  Did I pack credit cards, passport, currency, travel adapter, sunscreen, and toothbrush? Plus a 1000 other items. Did I lock the front door?  Did I cancel the milk?  Did I confirm the flights? Can the neighbours get in to feed the cats?

I can’t shake this feeling every time I leave the house without my daughter (not by accident of course).  I flew solo for 35 years and it’s amazing how in 2.5 years she has become a permanent fixture on my side.  I see her more than my own shadow, which is not a complaint.

Prior to having my daughter I always joked that if I had kids I’d surely forget them somewhere.  Luckily, this has happened……..yet?

I dated a bloke in university that came from a family of 10 he was twenty and the youngest had just been born.  Yes, they were devout Catholics if you were wondering.  They all bundled into the family people carrier for a holiday, made a pit stop at some services.  They hopped back in the van, drove 45 minutes down the road and didn’t realise they had left poor Mary behind until her dad tried to ask her a question.  Quick u-turn and they raced back to the petrol station to find poor Mary standing outside the petrol station crying.  Bless!

Have you ever accidentally forgotten your children or were you forgotten as a child?

Parenting: One Long Guilt Trip

After my daughter was born a good friend of mine, a mother of two said to me ‘from this day forward you will feel guilty’.  Boy! Was she right!

I feel guilty if:

  • I skip a bath
  • We keep her out a wee bit past her bedtime
  • I don’t brush her teeth or for that matter her Medusa like hair
  • I spend too much time on the computer
  • She watches too much TV
  • She gets ill because I didn’t breast feed
  • She has beans on toast for dinner
  • We skip a dance class
  • I have a glass of wine before she goes to bed
  • I give her a sneaky Happy Meal
  • I don’t play with her enough
  • I lose my patience
  • I send her to the childminders when she isn’t 100%
  • She wears the same trousers two days in a row

This list could go on and on.  But, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m far from a perfect parent, hence the name Mediocre Mum, but as long as I’m trying my best then this will have to do.  I can hear my own mother saying these exact words to me as a kid.  Hopefully, this is something that I can instil in my own daughter.

I came across this stanza from a Poem called ‘Memo from Your Child’ and I thought it was fitting.

Child to the parent:

‘Don’t ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me to great a shock when I discover that you are neither.’

Thank Goodness!

Penny has Dropped (in the pot)

This week we have been having another go at potty training, but it didn’t start off well.  I armed myself with loads of knickers, 1001 spray, mop, sticker chart, chocolate buttons and had a quick read of Gina Ford’s ‘Potty Training in One Week’.  To start, we gave her a chocolate button for sitting on the potty.  She’d sit on it for ages but……..nothing.  I tried rubbing her back, singing her songs, tickling, pulling funny faces, reading her stories.  I was just about to give up when…

I was upstairs getting ready on Friday (bear in mind we started on Mon) and she was playing in her room, with the potty nearby and without any prompting she plunked herself down on it and swish, which was followed by loads of praise and chocolate of course.  We had a couple of similar successes after that and then last night, this is probably too much information, but we were watching TV and she took herself off to the loo.  We didn’t realise what was going on until we heard her shouting ‘bye bye poo’.  Blimey she’d climbed onto the big loo and used it all on her own.

Then the penny dropped, what she needed was PRIVACY!  I think I’d turn into the Hoover Dam if someone was rubbing my back, singing stories to me, tickling etc while I was sitting on the pan!  Doh!